Six Days in 412

I will start at the end.

Tuesday, February 24, 11:50 am.  A member of the medical team walked into room 412 and saw our faces and our posture circled around the bed and my dad’s now lifeless body already beginning to turn that unmistakable waxy color, and he said in absolute astonishment, “What happened?!?”

Yes, a tiny corner of my brain registered humor.  This good man and good doctor was asking us what happened.  I have come to realize how appropriate his question was.

What happened?  The Lord called Dad home.  Quickly!

What happened?  The cancer was hidden in his body and then it announced itself and then it did its work all in six days.  We received a name for the cancer about an hour after Dad died.

What happened?  We fear cancer all the time, from hangnails to headaches.  But for some reason when it actually was cancer, we weren’t prepared and were thinking stroke or pneumonia – both curable or work-withable.  So on February 18 we were shocked with a preliminary honest assessment that this was not going to end the way we would prefer, and that the pathology would either be bad or very bad.  We love our family doctor and were so thankful for his directness.

What happened?  While the docs looked for causes and plans, we at the bedside, not at all medically trained, watched the person, our husband and dad, go from responsive, to unable to suck on a straw, to comatose, to shallow breathing, and knew exactly what we were seeing.  We were shocked at the speed of it.  But we were not shocked when he died.  We saw it coming that morning and were bathed in the grace that is promised for those moments.  The medical answer to what happened was almost irrelevent.

What happened?  The nurses of the 4th floor became our heroes!  I can’t put into words what they were to us.  To all nurses everywhere I want to say THANK YOU!!!  To the fourth floor nurses of Cullman Regional Medical Center – Tammy, Jutta, Christie, Vickie, and many others whose names escape me but whose actions do not: you are a credit to your calling.  I hope the hospital administrator sees these words and knows the caliber of these men and women who do unspeakable tasks with compassion for the patient and gentleness for the bewildered family.

What happened?  Though it was short, we hit a new routine, a new normal, swinging by Starbucks and settling in to room 412 for a morning, afternoon, or evening of doing things that a day earlier we would have said, “Well, I can’t do that!”  Feed my dad?  Apply chapstick?  Watch a coughing fit that racked his body head to toe?  Lather, shave, and Bay Rum aftershave him so he might feel a little more normal? And there was laughter in the room, too!  As Andrew shaved him, from the depths of wherever Dad was, he automatically stretched his lips out to avoid nicks.  One time I asked him if he was cold and he said, “N. O.!”

What happened?  Love happened.  The words and visits of dear friends far and near provided the oil of mercy and kindness on us.  And the food!  Oh, my, the food.

What happened?  We watched our Dad walk across the Jordan River and it happened over the course of a few days.  I remember standing beside him thinking, “I am looking at someone with one foot in glory. Wow!”  His eyes didn’t see us; they saw the far country, and we got a little of the spill-over.

What happened?  My sister’s husband of one month entered fully into this with us and has been the quiet helper at every place of need.  Here’s to all dark Frenchmen!

What happened?  My brother moved gracefully into place as the one we look to.  A torch was passed.

What happened?  The next generation left behind jobs and schools and drove through rain, snow, sleet, and hail to gather in a remote Alabama town to honor this man whose history they might not have known much about but who held 40 people together.

What happened?  Our family bonds grew a little tighter.  Ours is a blended family and sometimes we can wander far and wide and never see each other.  But we have shared a death together now and that makes us blood related.

What happened?  My mother became a matriarch and has been a rock of peace and grace.  She loved my dad for 40 years and is an example to six kids, six spouses, and a little army of grands and great grands of what it is to say “I do” and then live it out even when “I do” means dying a little bit.

What happened?  Oh, we had a snowstorm and 10 phones all chimed continually with different rings that we came to know signalling calls from travelling kids and from friends wondering about the changed funeral arrangements and closed florists.  And we just smiled because . . .

What happened was that our God kept His promise beyond anything we could have imagined: “I will be with you always.

Especially for six days in room 412.

#OhEarth!

earth

I saw a heartbreaking story recently about a man from India who had come to Alabama to help his son care for his newborn child.  The elderly man went out for a walk and woke up paralyzed from a police beating.  The person who posted the article included the hashtag #ohalabama.  I don’t think the hashtagger was commenting on police brutality.  He was mourning the racial nature of the incident.
#ohadamandeve!

According to the article, the man was trying to express that he could not speak English and to point to his son’s house.  But the police saw him as a threat and one of the officers present proceeded to break the man’s back.  The man’s skin is brown and this is Alabama, hence the hashtag.
#ohlegacy!

The image of a vulnerable, desperate man unable to communicate his innocence is beyond sad to me.  It is one of those I-can’t-look images. You know the kind; you have to look away because the brokenness is too sharp, the flesh too exposed and close to home.  My skin is not brown, nor is it exactly white for that matter, but the man could have been my father or brother or son.  What agony to think of someone I love enduring this.  #ohhumanity!

But the hashtag really bothered me.  Is it naïve of me to say, “Wait.  I didn’t do that!”?  I am an Alabamian and I hope that I would have had the courage to intervene even if it meant I could have been arrested myself.  I am Alabama.  Why “ohalabama”?

Is it because of our history?  I acknowledge our history.  I’ve seen the pictures of fire hoses in Birmingham.  I’ve read the literature like Beloved and Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass.  I’ve heard and dismissed those who try to minimize what it is to enslave another people, to say that many slaves had it good and were worse off after they were freed.  Nonsense.
#ohbloodshed!

I have been stupefied unto silence that someone, one day, said, “Hey, I have an idea.  Let’s go chain up those people over there who look different from us, and let’s beat them and sell them and starve them and separate them from their families and then we’ll be rich and happy.”  And then someone else said, “Good idea.  I’m in.”  I’ve been horrified by that, and simultaneously convicted that due to many subtle factors I might have been one of those people.  I hope not, but there’s no way to know, is there?  We all have it in us.  Yes, you do too.  And to those who have argued that it wasn’t an Alabamian who originally floated the slavery idea, but ancient cultures and economies were built on it the world over, I say, how does that excuse the practice here on American soil?
#ohevil!

So should I just accept that because of the great wrongs committed, the descendents for many generations will pay the price, will rightly be referred to as “ohalabama”?  Should I sit still and say, “This is right.  We – white Alabama, anyway – had it coming.”?
#ohfalsehope!

I could.  Except I don’t think that is intellectually or theologically honest.  Or helpful.  Of course there is a price to pay for wrongs, consequences that follow.  Ultimately, those wrongs were paid for at the cross of Jesus Christ.  I cannot do penance for our white ancestors; neither am I called to.  That price, along with the price of every sin, was extracted from the body and blood of Jesus, and then was declared sufficient payment at the resurrection.  I cannot add to a payment that was paid in full.
#ohcross!

Though many scream against a God of justice, I am thankful for One.  Without Him the slaves of old and the paralyzed man in Madison, Alabama would never be vindicated.  Their blood cries out and has been heard and answered with the just blood of a spotless Lamb.
#ohjustice!

That doesn’t mean consequences, like distrust and strife between the races, just go away. They don’t.  But it does mean that in Christ we have hope for reconciliation.  We have a common ground, a place of peace and forgiveness, a place where the barrier is removed.  Without the cross, there is no place of cleansing and forgiveness, no place where the atrocious wrong was righted.  But on this common ground we can report not that a white man beat a brown man, but that a man made in God’s image beat another man made in God’s image, and that a just God noticed.  We can stop keeping tabs on how many white on black crimes stack up against black on white crimes.  Let’s say they are equal because from a bird’s eye view of this earth, humanly speaking, they are.
#ohmercy!

At the cross, #ohalabama! and #ohearth! received the promise that one day the oh! will be one of wonder and awe, not sorrow and shame.
#ohgloriousday!

This earth cries out for our reconciling Savior to be acknowledged and worshipped by people of every nation, tribe, and tongue.  The noise of strife is loud and painful.
#OhLord,ComeQuickly!